| How we view ourselves has a strong effect on | | | | done. Taking responsibility for your mistakes allows |
| everything we do, think, and feel. With a strong | | | | you to learn from them; allows you to grow. Your |
| self-image, we approach challenges with a confident | | | | self-image will improve when you begin taking |
| and hopeful attitude. We do not view everyone | | | | responsibility for your response to a situation rather |
| around us as a challenge, a competitor, or a threat. | | | | than blaming the situation for your response. |
| We are comfortable being the person we are. With a | | | | 6 - Do you find excuses in order to avoid trying to |
| weak self-image, we are suspicious of others. We | | | | change? |
| might not want people to know how we feel about | | | | Is change a challenge that you can not face? Do you |
| things, or what our plans might be. We may resent | | | | use other people's conduct as a reason for not facing |
| people for their happiness, success, or even their | | | | a situation that you know needs to be changed? Is it |
| friendliness. Because we are not happy with how we | | | | fear of taking that first step that stops you; the |
| view ourselves, we will shy away from letting people | | | | discipline that follow-through would require? |
| get to know us. We will not take risks. We will not | | | | 7 - Do you avoid new experiences? |
| be open to new ideas and ways of looking at things. | | | | Have you convinced yourself that your life as it is |
| Substance addiction erodes self-image. Addiction | | | | does not need changing in spite of your psychological |
| modifies one's conduct toward others by placing | | | | pain, the threats to, and problems with your physical |
| society, friends, and even family at a lower priority | | | | health, and the damage that is being done to you |
| than the acquisition and use of the substance. The | | | | and the people you love? Is it fear of the unknown? |
| addict is aware of this shift in priorities at some level. | | | | 8 - Are you confident about your physical |
| However, denial allows the addict to focus on one | | | | appearance? |
| thing: the addiction. While there is no doubt that this | | | | Do you respect and disrespect others based on their |
| person loves his or her family and friends much more | | | | appearance? Do you love your handsome and |
| they do the substance, they are being driven by a | | | | beautiful family members more than those that might |
| need to use that is as overwhelming as the need to | | | | be less handsome or beautiful? Consider that your |
| breathe. This conflict causes one's self-esteem to | | | | conduct toward others, and their conduct toward |
| plummet, and along with it goes self-image. | | | | you is more important than how you, or they occupy |
| Counseling, medical attention, and a supportive | | | | space and reflect light. |
| environment can turn this around. However, this is | | | | 9 - Are you too modest about personal success? |
| true only when the addicted individual has realizes | | | | Your 'personal' successes are just that: personal. You |
| that they need to get help, and are open to | | | | have a right to be happy for the results of your |
| accepting that help. | | | | efforts. Do you see happiness as a negative form of |
| 'Open' is the operative word. Assuming that the | | | | pride? Is your modesty a way to maneuver others |
| individual has checked into a clinic, and is saying they | | | | into bragging for you? |
| are fed up, beaten down, and ready to do the work | | | | 10 - Are you easily hurt by criticism? |
| needed to regain control of their life, they must still | | | | While considering this point, think about the balance |
| address all the training that their addiction has given | | | | between your evaluation of the point of criticism, and |
| them. This can only be done if they are open to | | | | the other person's evaluation of that point. How |
| seeing an error in perspectives, beliefs, and attitudes, | | | | much power do you want to give others? |
| and then working on the development of healthier | | | | Remember that these other people are also working |
| perspectives, beliefs, and attitudes. From this point, | | | | their way through life; facing their own challenges; |
| changes in conduct and behavior can begin. | | | | their own feelings of strength and weakness; facing |
| Often, the first thing I address as a counselor is the | | | | their own fears; their own demons. Compassion and |
| client's self-image. They have to understand as clearly | | | | empathy might help you learn from criticism rather |
| as I do that they are worthy of a long, healthy and | | | | than react to criticism with anger and aggression. |
| sober life; that they are worthy. | | | | Use These To Improve Your Self-Image: |
| To get this started, I use tools I've found helpful | | | | 1. Acceptance |
| over the years. Counseling is more of an art than a | | | | Be a friend to yourself. Identify and accept your |
| science, and I've tried to keep my mind alert for | | | | strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of them from |
| approaches that work. When helping a client develop | | | | what friends and family say. |
| a stronger self-image, I often describe it as having | | | | 2. Encouragement |
| two basic orientations: The way we see ourselves | | | | Set goals and offer yourself encouragement along |
| (Self-orientation), and the way we think others see | | | | the way. Try to take a 'can do' attitude. |
| us (Other-orientation). We have a certain amount of | | | | 3. Praise |
| control over how we see ourselves, but we don't | | | | Take pride in your achievements; don't let pride take |
| have a clue as to, or a shred of control over how | | | | you. The experiences of your life are yours alone. |
| others see us. We can influence, but we can not | | | | The desire for praise is not a healthy motivator. |
| control others. | | | | 4. Help |
| Below are ten questions one might consider when | | | | The satisfaction that comes from freely helping |
| determining where their self-image might need | | | | others is probably the most effective way to |
| attention. | | | | strengthen your self-image, and sense of worth. |
| 1 - Are you happy for others when they succeed? | | | | Learn new skills, expand on the skills and abilities you |
| Consider the possibility that you might view other's | | | | have, and use them to benefit others. Believing that |
| successes as your failures. | | | | the world is just a little bit better off because of |
| 2 - Are you very shy or overly aggressive? | | | | something you have done is by far the greatest |
| Think about how shyness, aggression, and even | | | | justification for have been alive. Einstein said, "Only a |
| humor can be used as a wall to keep people at a | | | | life lived for others is a life worth while." |
| distance. Keep this in mind when you are talking with | | | | 5. Time with yourself |
| your sponsor, your counselor, or friends. Growth | | | | Take time out to be alone with your thoughts and |
| comes from taking risks. Keep an open mind. | | | | feelings. Get involved in activities that you can do by |
| 3 - Do you try to hide your feelings from others? | | | | yourself. Get to know yourself. |
| Examine the emotions and considerations that stop | | | | 6. Trust |
| you from sharing your feelings with others. What is it | | | | Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Act on |
| that stops you? Is it a fear of being vulnerable; that | | | | what you think is right. |
| your feelings might be used against you; people | | | | 7. Respect |
| might find you to be weak and therefore lose | | | | Try to become content with who you are by |
| interest in you, or think less of you? | | | | exploring and appreciating your own special talents. |
| 4 - Do you fear close relationships? | | | | 8. Love |
| What are the parts of a close relationship that you | | | | Learn to love the unique person you are. Accept and |
| fear? Having to share your feelings; concern that | | | | learn from your mistakes. Embrace your successes |
| they will see you as you see yourself and the | | | | as well as your failures. |
| relationship will end in pain; that they will know things | | | | 9. Expand and further develop your empathy. It is at |
| about you that they can use against you, or use to | | | | the heart of the Golden Rule, and essential to a |
| control you? Is it fear of rejection, intimacy, or...? | | | | strong self-image, and a happy life. Marry empathy |
| 5 - Do you blame your mistakes on others? | | | | with compassion.empathy - a noun 2: the action of |
| Take ownership of what you do and don't do. | | | | understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and |
| Nobody can make your choices for you. If something | | | | vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and |
| someone angers you, it doesn't mean that they are | | | | experiences of another... |
| responsible for how you respond to what they have | | | | |